Movember exists because men are dying too young. The charity focuses on the three issues that affect men the most: mental health and suicide, prostate cancer and testicular cancer. Across the month of November (which is Men’s Health Awareness Month), Movember campaigns are to get people talking about men’s health, which ultimately save lives.
All three of the above health issues are so important, but we wanted to take this opportunity to talk about male suicide. Suicide is the leading cause of death in men under 50, and 75% of all suicides are men. Meanwhile, 40% of men have never talked to anyone about their mental health.
There are different reasons why men might feel unable to open up about their mental health, but the way that society views gender roles can play a part. Men might feel pressured to come across as strong, powerful and in control, which can make it difficult for them to open up and show their emotions. Clearly, something needs to change.
Talking about men’s mental health and suicide in November is a start, but it’s not enough. We need to continually be working towards a society where it’s normal for men to open up about their mental health and feel comfortable in supporting one another. No one should have to suffer in silence or feel as though their only option is to take their own life.
Why opening up about our mental health is so important
Suicide is never straight forward; there are countless factors which can contribute to a person taking their own life and every case is unique. However, we do know that mental health awareness and talking about our mental health can reduce the risk of suicide.
There’s also evidence that asking someone if they’re suicidal can help to protect them; by asking them directly about suicide, you give them permission to say how they’re feeling, and it gives you the chance to reassure them that you care about them and they’re not a burden.
Whether you’re struggling with your mental health, or you think someone you know might be struggling, here are some ways for opening up and having a conversation about it.
How to open up about your mental health
The person you speak to should be someone who you can trust. Think about someone who’s perhaps supported you in a difficult situation before or who might understand what you’re going through.
If you’re scared about opening up about your mental health, ask yourself why. Do you think you’ll be judged or that the person will treat you differently? Now consider how likely that is based on your experiences with that person. If they’re trustworthy, they should be supportive.
Before having the conversation, think about what you want to get out of it. Do you want to get something off your chest while they listen or would you rather have some advice? It can help to let the person know how to support you.
Movember has created a chatbot tool where you can practise having a conversation about mental health. It offers conversation starters and prompts that you can use in real life. Try it out here.
Get in touch with the person you want to talk to and set a time and date. You might want to let them know that it’s important so that they come in the right frame of mind. If meeting up face-to-face feels uncomfortable, perhaps you could call, text or email them.
If you don’t have anyone you can talk to, there are mental health services available - we’ve made a list at the bottom of this article. Samaritans listening service is open 24/7 356 days a year - you can call for free on 116 123. If you’re actively planning to take your own life, call 111 or 999 now.
Some men think that getting professional help is something to be embarrassed about, but it absolutely isn’t. Our mental health is just like our physical health and sometimes we need to get some advice about a problem we’re having.
As a first step, you can visit your GP who will be able to talk to you about treatment options. This might include cognitive behavioural therapy. If you’re not sure whether you need therapy or not, this article might help.
At ieso, we offer typed CBT for a range of mental health issues. During typed CBT, the patient and therapist speak by typing back and forward to each other via our online platform. You can join sessions from the comfort of your home or wherever you have an internet connection. If you’d rather speak to someone face-to-face, we offer video calls in some areas. Find out more here.
How to talk to a male mate or loved one about their mental health
Before you talk to them, think about when and where you want to have the conversation. It should be at a time when they’re able to chat and somewhere where they feel safe and relaxed. You might want to consider how private the space is as they might not want to be overheard.
Give them the opportunity to open up by directly asking them how they are or how they’ve been feeling. You could prompt the conversation by bringing up something you’ve noticed, like ‘I’ve noticed that you seem down lately’, or you could check in on a previous issue they might have discussed with you.
Give them time to talk. It’s not always easy to open up and they might need to think about what they’re going to say. Equally, don’t get cross or force them to talk if they don’t want to.
Try not to interrupt them when they’re talking, but show that you’re actively listening by nodding, maintaining eye contact and the occasional affirmation, like ‘yes’ and ‘I understand’.
When they’ve stopped talking, you could ask them questions, like ‘how long have you been feeling like this?’, ‘why do you think you feel like this?’ or ‘is there anything I can do to help?’.
Try to be reassuring, letting them know that you’re understanding of what they’re going through and that we all have ups and downs. Make sure that you don’t use dismissive phrases, like ‘you’ll live’ or ‘man up’.
You don’t have to have all the answers or solutions. You just have to listen and let them know that you’re there for them.
Reassure them that getting professional help is nothing to be ashamed of. You could look into mental health services for them and if they’re nervous, you could offer to take them to an appointment.
After you’ve had the conversation, check in with them and see how they’re doing. This will let them know that you’re thinking of them, and they might feel more inclined to reach out when they’re struggling.
Mental health resources for men:
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